Monday, May 04, 2015

Braindump

I pretty much talk to everything.
My computer.
My car.
My phone.
The food that I'm cooking.
An imaginary conversation with a hot dude I just met in Starbucks.
I speak to animals like they were a normal person.

See, my car has a name.
He's a boy.
Mohd. Iskandar, or Shiro.
We pretty much understand each other.
Hell my first date with my now husband was in my car.

This morning I went to wash my car.
After he was sparkly clean, we were so happy and I was like jumping around in the car and talked excitedly to Shiro.

I like to have my meals in the car sometimes.
It's like having lunch or dinner with a friend except I'm the only one who's eating.
I'd park somewhere, usually at a safe spot of course, after I bought McDonald's or a cheese bun from Baker's Cottage and just enjoy my food. In the car. With loud music.
Nice, right?

And I talk to myself a lot.
It's like having conversations with 5 different people.
I have lots of chat buddies and they happen to be inanimate objects.

And no, I'm not crazy. A bit mental yes, but not crazy.


Saturday, May 02, 2015

Parasite people

Untuk seorang yang introverted mcm aku, friends are important, sebab aku tak banyak kawan.
Aku bukan jenis suka kuar2 join gathering group2 ke byk acquaintance ke ape.
Kawan2 ada yang dah putus, ada yang estranged, ada yang aku sendiri putuskan.
Biasa la life goes on.
Dalam sepanjang hayat aku, aku penah encounter beberapa case of toxic friends, atau parasite in two different life phases.
Dan aku nak highlight ada 2 kes yang paling teruk aku penah hadapi.

Kes 1:
Masa ni I was still in junior college (eceh sebut mcm orang amereka).
Minah ni dormmate aku together with 8 others = 10 orang.
Since aku duduk dorm, so nak tanak mesti kene socialize dengan budak2 satu dorm, tapi in the end aku rapat dengan minah ni.
Tapi sejak aku rapat dengan minah ni budak2 dorm lain mcm sisihkan kitorg.
Siap ada beberapa budak dorm lain warning aku kata minah ni is troubled. Stay the fuck away from her.
Tapi my nature ni kan protective sikit over my friends, so IDGAF. Sebab minah ni suka ngadu kat aku cite masalah semua2, so dgn bakat pandai mintak simpati dan memek muka seposen, aku pon terkesian la dengan dia.
Aku perasan lama2 kitorg jadi dok kawan berdua je mcm tak bercampur dengan bebudak lain.
The first warning bell dalam kepala berdering bila aku terasa dia gunakan 'popularity' aku untuk tarik abang kakak angkat. And then the stories she told sekali dgn petik nama aku sekali untuk dapatkan perhatian.
Since aku kan BFF dengan dia, aku satu bilik dengan dia sampai semester 3.
Sem 2, dia buat hal dgn sorang roommate kami, sebar cite merata, and then starting sem 2, aku rasa minah ni dah tak boleh diselamatkan lagi. Byk confrontation dah kami buat tapi dia still tanak ngaku blablabla ah malas aku nak reminiscence balik. So after sem 3, kami parted ways and aku merdekaaaa.
The problem is, with this type of bitch, dia pandai tarik perhatian orang, buat muka kesian, and then her stories are so fucking believable that you'd fall into her trap. Bila kita confront this bitch, we will not get any confessions, tapi dia akan pusing cerita until mcm segalanya salah ko. For the weak-hearted, ko akan rasa bersalah dan confuse and then segalanya akan bermula balik ke cycle one.
She is so fucking manipulative and when you realize the truth, it's almost too late. Alhamdulillah aku cepat sedar but then my reputation agak tergugat la dengan byk citer tak betul tersebar thanks to her.
Tapi masa tu dunia kecik lagi so it was not happening in the real world, so at least bermula dari situ kepercayaan aku dekat org makin kurang lah, and thus began aku punya peel anti-social.


Kes 2:
This is brand new.
I am still friends with her, tapi tak rapat dah.
Tu pun lepas aku terkena jugak. Haih.
We were friends at work. Mula2 aku mmg separate personaliti aku kat opis dengan luar, since tak masuk akal la nak be the real me kat opis kan.
Dia ni best, selamba, happy-go-lucky and then seronok lepak dengan dia.
Aku rapat dengan dia since dia putus tunang. So aku kesian la, sebab dia mmg teruk la effect hal putus tunang tu. Jadi depressed tak tentu pasal. So aku memahami lah since I'm older so aku ada kene kes putus cinte ni sampai mental.
So aku jadi la peneman dia, member, sampai tahap aku pindak dok umah dia jadi housemate tanpa bayar sewa sesen pon. Aku cuma bayar bil2 je.
The signs masih sama.
Pandai tarik perhatian, cite2 sedeh, so macam kes putus tunang ni, dia buat diri dia jadi victim, mcm teraniaya teruk lah. So semorang kesian dengan dia, especially aku yg mmg kenal dia since dia bertunang lagi.
Aku try nak happykan dia, teman dia kuar shopping2, lepak2, tolong dia buat keje opis, berantar berambik since masa tu dia tade kenderaan, semua2 lah.
Atas dasar kawan kan.
Then, ada sorang lagi member sekampung dia masuk rumah tu. Aku tak kenal, and aku tak kesah pon. Sebab lama2 dok meneman dia ni, aku rasa bosan jugak. I need my fucking privacy, tapi tak buleh sebab dah dok berdua je dgn dia. Bila member dia ni masuk, aku rasa lega lah. Lepas ni tade la aku nak bekepit je dgn dia kan.
The problem started bila dia dah tak berkenan dengan peel member dia tu. Tapi dia mengadu kat aku. Aku cakap la suruh dia ckp sendiri dengan member dia tu, wth aku pulak kene jadi org tengah kan, I didn't even know our mutual friend.
Ada sekali aku sound, lepas tu tetiba member dia terus tamau cakap dgn aku tamau pandang muka aku. So aku dengan member dia mmg tak bercakap sgt lah dok serumah pon.
Then something huuuge happened yg membuatkan aku pindah terus kuar rumah tu, and then I heard that member dia pon dah tak baik dengan dia. Why oh why.
Bila satu hari member dia tu dtg jumpa aku, kitorg sembang2 terbongkar segala.
Rupanya nak jadikan diri dia 'the good guy', dia cakap kat member dia ni lain pasal aku and dengan aku dia kutuk2 member dia. Dia kata aku yang tak suka member dia dok umah tu. Fuck kan orang mcm ni?
After all I did to her and that was how she repaid me.
And ada lagi la cite2 lain yg aku rasa tak elok la aku nak cite sini, kes2 besar jugak la lagi besar dari ko ckp depan lain blakang lain. And those cases are huuuge. Tak best la cite sini.
So after that, aku pun dah resigned tak keje situ lagi jauh dari minah ni.
Skang aku balik keje tempat lama, bukan opis lama, tapi dekat la, dia ada jugak ajak2 sembang and mengadu2 masalah, tapi aku dah learned my lesson, no no no. The bitch is toxic. Setakat sikit2 je boleh. Nak rapat semula, no thanks.
No wonder after years dia putus tunang, dia masih di tahap lama. Still struggling, still in debt, still in deep shit, still single. Tuhan maha adil kan.
Tapi masih tak sedar2. If dia bersyukur dgn apa yg ada, then not blaming others for her mistakes, dok banding2 diri dengan orang lain, wants to change and tak berhamba dengan duik, tade kot camni. Aku dok selalu doa semoga dia cepat sedar, sebab camne pon I know dia ni baik orangnya. Cuma keadaan sekeliling dan cara didikan yg buat dia jadi camtu.
Aku tak lupa semua kebaikan dia and dia ada peranan jugak untuk temukan aku dgn my husband.

So the moral of the story?
I'm too old for this shit.
Aku stick dgn siapa yg ada skang je. Tak sakit hati. Yup, I learned my lesson. I can be a dick sometimes and I've lost two, oh no now three friends in the process.
Hopefully tade dah sapa2 yg aku tinggal atau tinggalkan aku skang.
Kawan2 yg dah putus, dan yg putuskan tu aku redha lah. Jodoh tak panjang.
Tapi I'm glad for the times we spent together.
Jumpa di jannah, mungkin silaturrahim bertaut kembali.
Cewah.